Your Children Aren’t Here to Be Fixed, They’re Here to Wake You Up
What if every argument with your child, every slammed door, every moment of frustration has nothing to do with them and everything to do with a wound you never healed?
It’s a confronting question. And for most parents, the instinct is to reject it immediately. But in this powerful conversation with Dr. Shefali, the founder of the Conscious Parenting movement, she reveals a truth that could transform not just the way you parent, but the way you understand every relationship in your life: your children are not the problem. They are the mirror.
The Zombie Epidemic in Modern Parenting
“Most people are so-called zombie-like, moving through life in reactivity,” Dr. Shefali explains. “Not aware that they can get into the driver’s seat and begin to mandate their reactions.”
As a clinical psychologist with a doctorate from Columbia University and three New York Times bestselling books, Dr. Shefali has spent decades studying a pattern that plays out in homes across the world. Parents unconsciously project their unresolved pain, unmet needs, and unfulfilled dreams onto their children without ever realising it. And that unchecked authority goes completely unsupervised.
The result? We cast our children into roles they never chose. We write the movie, direct the scenes, and expect everyone to follow the script. Then when our children resist, we label them as difficult. When they defy us, we feel rejected. But they’re not rejecting us. They’re rejecting the role we assigned them.
Your Triggers Are the Gift
Dr. Shefali offers a framework that flips everything on its head. Rather than assuming your reaction to your child’s behaviour is justified, start with the presumption that you have projected your own wounds onto the situation. Then prove to yourself that you haven’t.
She uses the example of a child hiding a C grade from their parent. The instinct is anger, disappointment, even betrayal. But when you pause and trace that reaction to its root, you often discover an old wound around shame, unworthiness, or fear of failure that was planted decades ago during your own childhood.
“The triggers are the gifts that help you turn around and look within,” she says. “They show you where you’re not yet free.”
This is the essential inner work. And it doesn’t just transform parenting. It breaks the cycle of generational trauma that quietly passes from one family to the next.
Social Media: The Red Flag Parents Can’t Ignore
The conversation takes an urgent turn when Dr. Shefali addresses social media’s impact on young people. She doesn’t soften her words, comparing unrestricted access for children to handing them drugs or alcohol.
She highlights the alarming rise in anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, and isolation among teenagers, driven by a digital world built on comparison, perfectionism, and curated reality. She applauds Australia’s legislation restricting social media for children under 16, and urges parents to treat screen time as a red flag behaviour that demands firm, non-negotiable boundaries.
Three Truths Every Parent Needs to Hear
Dr. Shefali closes with three uncomfortable truths. First, your children are here to show you where you haven’t healed. Second, every moment of reactivity towards your child is a wake-up call to unresolved pain within you. And third, your child is not here to fulfil your expectations. They are here to live their own life and their own destiny.
See Dr. Shefali Live in Australia, March 2026
Dr. Shefali is bringing her transformative teachings to Australia for two powerful live events. Hailed by Oprah as “revolutionary” and the “best child expert,” she is a 3-time New York Times bestselling author, clinical psychologist, and pioneer of the Conscious Parenting movement who has trained over 1,200 coaches worldwide.
This event is for everyone, not just parents. Whether you’re a mother, father, leader, teacher, or simply someone seeking healing and direction, this experience will help you reconnect with your true self and break free from outdated patterns, expectations, and emotional pain.
Melbourne | Palais Theatre | Wednesday, 11 March 2026
Sydney | State Theatre | Thursday, 12 March 2026
Tickets are limited. Book now at events.drshefali.com/australia
Watch the full conversation on YouTube.
Find Out More About Dr. Shefali
Website: drshefali.com
Follow on Instagram: @doctorshefali
Book: The Parenting Map